Family meal times have gone by the wayside, some studies say that less then 50% of families eat together 7 nights per week. Parents are working more, kids have sports and scouts and clubs and friends and no one has time to eat together anymore. Also, teen drug use, suicide and pregnancies are on the rise again. Kids have no sense of belonging in their own families and seek "family" elsewhere. Parents are at a loss as to how to bring their families back together. All the activities and work seem necessary and parents don't want short change their kids. What a lot of parents don't realize is that they are short changing their kids by not putting the family first.
For many years now, I have resisted putting our kids in every activity that comes our way or sparks an interest. I did not want to be one of those moms that ran her kids from this activity to the next. Don't get me wrong, my kids have had their share of activities. We've just tried to find alternatives to the mainstream in tense activities.
The boys and Olivia participated in a homeschool soccer league for a couple of years, that met on Saturday mornings for practice and the games. The girls have participated in a homeschool dance group that meets during the day. We just put all the kids in karate, all on the same day at the same time.
My point of all of this is this, I have always felt a strong compulsion to protect our family dinner time. Even though I am with the kids all day long, we are not a complete family unit until Oliver gets home at six o'clock. Six o'clock has always been the highlight of the kids day, they love it when Daddy walks in the door.
Family dinner time gives us the chance to come together and share our day with each other. The kids all get a chance to talk about what has happened, what plans they have for the rest of the evening, what goals they have for the next day. Ben and Braidon get to talk about the games they have made up, the LEGO creations that came to life and what things they found on the trail during their many bike rides. Olivia gets to show off her new reading skills and giggle about fabulous 7 year old things. The little girls talk about their new imaginary friends and show off all the "tattoos" they tagged themselves with.
Not only do the kids get to tell about their day, Oliver and I also get a word in edgewise sometimes. Oliver is always happy to answer questions about his job and the things that go on at his office. He talks about science, math, woodworking, outdoor skills, you name it. I love to make him laugh when I tell him about all the funny things the kids or pets did during the day.
We also use family dinner time as meeting and planning time. Our table is the birthplace of many camping trips, field trips, and household projects. It is also the place where we discuss family issues and problem solve to make things run more smoothly. Many things come to light during the magic that is family dinner time. This is the place and time where the kids seem to feel comfortable broaching heavier subjects. Since we try to make a point of being open and honest, our table is where our kids learn a lot.
When I was sick last week, we missed family dinner time 3 nights in a row. Everyone kind of ate as they wanted to instead of gathering as we usually do. As I started recovering, I noticed that the household was really in disorder. Not only was the house physically a mess, but the people in it were all discombobulated. There was more yelling, more door slamming, more hitting. We were starting to come apart at the carefully crafted seams. In the next few days, we gathered again to eat as a family and I saw us coming back together. For us, family dinner time holds us together and helps us feel cohesive and peaceful.
I don't know what kind of family we would be if we did not have this time together every evening. I think we would be distant and out of sync and the thought of that is disconcerting. I like that we have made it a priority to carve out this time to gather and regroup every evening. It makes us a family.